- A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
- One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
- Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.
- 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
- Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
- Chick Norris solved the halting problem.
- Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
- One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
- Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
- The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.
- No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.